Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
