i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
