You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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