I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
