So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
