We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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