we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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