just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
