Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
