If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
