Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
