Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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