i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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