and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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