wrigley field is MILF paradise
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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