Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
