corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize