3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
