What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
