i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
