Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
