you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
