Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
