ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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