I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
