He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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