Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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