I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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