Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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