fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
