I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
