i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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