It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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