I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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