yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
