I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Houston, we have a squirter
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
