Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
