just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
