im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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