If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
