What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
