If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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