it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
