Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize