How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
