I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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