My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
