the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
