i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
