Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
