There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
