i dont even know how to be here
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
