Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
