Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize