why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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