Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
