oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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