I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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