Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
