Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You need a sexual gate keeper
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
