'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
