We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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