i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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