so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
