btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
