judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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