I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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