Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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