There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
