He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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