Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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