This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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