Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
