I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
