Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
