I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
