dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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