i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
