At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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