my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
