I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
