You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
