just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
