You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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