how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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