That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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