Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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