She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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