good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your cock deserves a montage
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
