; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
