Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
